Happy Mother’s Day!

If you find humor in the following questions and comments, you are a good mom, or you are very good friends with a good mom.

1. Well, when was the last time you pooped?
(It’s all about poop: what makes it, what’s in it, where it is, and how frequently it happens.)

2. Let me just admire your hair—really closely.
(Lice: they’re out there, and they’re looking for your child.)

3. Hmmmm, well, everyone misses the potty now and then. Let’s at least be sure we aim for something in the bathroom.

4. If you eat just one bite of something healthy, you can have all of the chips in the world.
(Small children are capable of surviving on cheese curls and Doritos.)

5. Let’s just wipe that off.
(A child under the age of 10 can wear an entire pizza on his or her face and have no recollection of seeing the food in the first place.)

6. Please don’t try to climb on my lap while I am on the potty.
(Separation anxiety.)

7. Those are boobies, not handles.
(I don’t know why God put them within reach of three-foot-tall clingy children. They really don’t assist in climbing at all. If anything, this explains why they begin to droop after children. The more children, the more drooping.)

8. Please don’t cry—I can fix that.
(Thank God for Gorilla Glue!)

9. You need a costume by tomorrow? No problem. I don’t need sleep, and WalMart is open 24 hours.
(Only the best are willing to make that 2:00 A.M. trip. Some odd creatures shop before the sun comes up—odd creatures other than sleep deprived mothers.)

10. Oh, well, you shouldn’t eat your boogies. I know they taste fantastic, but that gets your fingers slimy.

Fun with Animals

Say Hello to Roadkill Penguin!



Don't ask...

Newsflash!

My three-year-old son has informed me that it is perfectly acceptable to use potty words in the bathroom. Just so you know. It's OK.